Worth It All
by KaiaLuna
Summary: Jasper is a damaged soul when he meets his Pixie, a gift he doesn't feel he deserves. Many years later, a lonely Bella meets the Cullen family and first love, Edward. There is manipulation afoot and the road to hell is paved with good intentions. If you can't love yourself can you love another, even if they are worth it? A long lonely wait and two scarred souls finally joined.
1. 1948

**This story starts well before Bella meets the Cullen's, with Jasper and Alice, but it is a Bella x Jasper story. It is mostly finished so while I am finishing writing Whitlock I thought I'd finish editing this one and post it. Posts will be up pretty quick as this is almost complete in my archives of ideas. This first chapter was beta'd by Alexandra Belle. Hope you enjoy it.**

1948 JPOV

"Finally!" The tiny little vampire bounced up from her place at the counter of the diner and came skipping over to me, "I've been waiting forever for you."

"Excuse me?" I frowned at her, my gift reading through her emotions, finding excitement and affection. Caution filled me but her warm smile and open emotions put me at ease; there was no deception, she was happy to see me.

"I'm Alice...though I think my name was Mary Alice but I don't care for Mary much, I can't imagine I ever did."

"You think?"

She shrugged, "Darkness, burning, pain, loneliness and that name are what I remember from before I woke up, actually that wasn't a memory either. It was on a plastic bracelet I was wearing I think I must have been human before since it only makes sense and I am positive I am a vampire though humans have it really wrong. Then there is you, well you and this family we are going to go to, I've had visions of you since the burning stopped. You were my first one, later came the ones of the Cullen's."

"Visions?" I questioned, my head tilting ever so slightly, almost as if I hadn't heard her correctly in the first place.

The pixie nodded brightly, "I see things." Then she frowned, "It's weird isn't it? Am I a freak? Did you not have a vision of me too?"

I sigh and send out a wave of comfort to her not entirely sure why I care but the swirl of pain, loneliness and self doubt rising in her is just somehow wrong, this little pixie vampire should be happy.

"Some of us are gifted. You aren't a freak; you're special and such gifts are rare."

"Do you have one?"

"I'm an empath." At her frown I chuckle, "I feel and manipulate the emotions of others."

"I didn't see that." She told me.

"What did you see Darlin'?"

"That you would come, if I waited, and I knew if a decision I made would make that future further or closer, sometimes you made one that changed it too but you're finally here."

"So why were you waitin' for me?" We had settled into a booth and were still talking very quietly so as to not attract the attention of the few other patrons. I was fairly certain they would notice if we stood, unmoving, our entire conversation.

"I saw that I was supposed to meet you." She shrugged but then doubt and pain filled her, "You do want me with you, don't you? In all the visions, I was waiting for you, I knew then I wouldn't be alone anymore, and you care about me, you protect me, I saw that we were together."

"I want you here darlin'." I assured her, again not sure why it matters to me.

"I'm going to help you too." She tells me, her smile bright again and her emotions clearing up to happiness and excitement. "Neither of us will ever be alone again, not that I can see, and I can't imagine any reason in the world that will change that."

"I ain't really alone Darlin'."

"You aren't?" She frowns at me. "In all the visions, I am waiting for, it's just you I find and then we go to the Cullen's…" She bounces, "Do you already know them? I didn't see that!"

I chuckle and shake my head, "I've a coven, a brother and sister."

"Are they here?" She asks seeming to lose focus.

"No." I tell her even as the mist seems to clear from her vision.

"We meet them, you bring me to meet them, before we find the Cullen's." She smiles brightly at me, "I'm so glad you've finally come Jasper, I've been waiting for such a long time."

"I'm here now darlin'." I assure her and she blasts me with such a wave of happiness and affection that my whole being fills with a warmth I couldn't ever remember feeling. I swore in that moment that I would protect her and make sure she didn't have a reason to feel anything but those emotions ever again.

It's a week later that I'm sitting in a tree with Peter, having called him to meet me at our place in Texas.

"She's not yer mate." He breaks the silence, his accented voice coming out as worry mingled with his emotions.

I nod, "I know what a mate feels like Pete." I remind him nodding in the distance towards Charlotte.

"Can yeh trust her?"

"Everything about her inside is good, there's pain and sadness but innocence and affection and all these… warm sorta things fill her up, not even a trace of deception, conceit, greed, hate not even fear." I sigh, "She looked at me, right from the moment she saw me and there was no fear, just happiness and affection. Same with you and Char, she's so happy to be with us, to not be alone and the only dark emotion in her is that she doesn't deserve it, that there is something wrong with her and I'd like to kill whoever made her feel any bad about herself."

Peter nods and sighs, "I just, have a feelin, like you need to know and remember is all, Major. I like the Pixie well enough and I don't feel like she's bad news. I just needed to be sure you knew and will remember that she ain't really yours."

"If she meets her mate Peter, I will happily let her go, however painful that might be. She deserves a mate, more than any vampire; she deserves that happiness."

I jump down to find her and his last whispered words only just met my ears, it's something I would never agree with, "You deserve it too."

I knew I didn't. I had lived long before I had made him and I was a terrible creature, I didn't deserve the love and serenity of a mate. I was beyond blessed that I had my brother and his mate; their love and loyalty to me was staggering and now I had found the Pixie, she was a gift far beyond what I deserved and I would do anything for all of my existence to make sure she was happy, loved and protected.

***** Please Review*****

**Disclaimer, for this and all following chapters… I do not own Twilight or any of the characters or plot lines, this is written purely for my and your enjoyment.**


	2. 1950

1950 JPOV

My little Pixie had been trying to help me with blood lust over the last two years and though once she had informed me becoming a vegetarian would help me with my newly found conscious around killing, I had tried for her, I knew that it wasn't the diet that helped, it was pleasing her, so I was determined. It wasn't always easy, animal blood tasted from varying degrees of atrocious to abhorrent. I tried for her though and it lightened my depression to see her so happy. She was putting broken pieces of my black soul back together. Peter and Charlotte loved her for it, even if they disagreed with the diet she had chosen for us.

According to my Pixie it was almost time we left to find the Cullen's she talked about so often. So I said goodbye to my brother and sister who declined coming with us, instead choosing to be nomads.

"We're still your coven." Charlotte told me hugging me tightly.

I could feel the doubt, love and sadness in her, "Always a Whitlock, my sister." I assured her sending her a dose of brotherly love and confidence.

Peter hugged me next, "Damn straight we're Whitlock's Major and our coven will be one again." I nodded not doubting him. His feelings were even more accurate than my Pixie's visions. What Peter knew was absolute; nothing that changed in the future, in someone's decisions changed it.

Alice hugged them both as well, "He's going to be happy." She assured them both. "Being with the family is going to be good for us, you'll see, when we find them, they'll love us, love him."

With that we were gone, Charlotte and Peter in one direction, Alice and I in another. She took delight in the smallest things in life and I doubted I would ever get tired just watching her, drinking in the goodness of her emotions.

"Jazz?" I sent her a wave of inquisitiveness making her giggle and turn to smile at me. Her lust hit me, swirling through me and making my eyes instantly darken as desire flooded through me brining me straining to attention for her.

"Ali." I breathed as I pulled her into my body. She'd told me she wasn't completely aware of where or when we would meet up with the Cullen's only that it would be soon, until then, I had no complaints about having her to myself.

It was only a month before we arrived in a small town outside Halifax in Canada and she began vibrating with happiness.

"Ali?"

"They're here!" She squealed, "We're going to meet them now!"

I couldn't help but laugh at her joy. She grabbed my hand and began running in the direction she had been debating going before the vision hit. I caught their scents before she did and pulled her to slow down. I knew I was projecting caution and worry but it barely seemed to register on her happiness. "It's ok Jazz. They are going to love us remember? We are going to love them too!" She told me, still running and holding my hand tightly.

When we arrive at the house there are four vampires waiting on the porch. I want to crouch, all my instincts telling me to be cautious, to protect my Pixie. She just runs right up to them, still grinning.

"I'm Alice." She tells them. "This is Jasper and we are going to be your children." She tells the tall blonde brightly. "I'm so excited we finally found you." She squeals and hugs him then turns to hug the caramel haired one. "I had to wait for Jasper or I'd have found you earlier but then I wouldn't find him for a really long time and I didn't want to not be there right away for him, plus it would have been hard to come to you before he made me ready, I was so nervous you wouldn't like me. I saw you would but I've never had a mother before!" She pulls back and turns to the other two. "Hi Emmett! Jasper will totally kick your ass later." She giggles, "You two are going to have so much fun!" Then she turns to the gorgeous blonde, "Well come on sis, let's go get me settled in mine and Jasper's new room!" She grabs the girls hand and skips into the house. All the vampires are just staring at her in frozen shock.

Then they turn to me, I shrug and sent them a dose of amusement, "Yeah, she does that."

The one she called Emmett just bursts out laughing, "Dude, your mate is a little scary."

I don't bother to correct him, instead I focus on reading the emotions of those around me, Alice is still radiating happiness and the one with her is feeling amusement and affection, the big one, Emmett, curiosity and amusement. The other two I turn all my gift on, they still seemed stunned but their emotions are all good, clean ones, nothing I feel about any of them warrants any kind of concern. "I'm Jasper Whitlock." I nod at them.

"Please, come in." The caramel one smiles at me. "I'm Esme and this is my mate Carlisle and our son Emmett, his mate, Rosalie is the one inside with your mate and our other son Edward is away just now."

Again I don't bother to correct her as I nod and follow her inside, "Alice sees things." I answer the curiosity raging in the blonde man, Carlisle. "After she woke from the change, she saw me and then you. She's been a vegetarian, more or less, since then."

"Do you have a gift?" He smiles warmly at me and I'm surprised that behind the curiosity is only a warm welcoming feeling.

I nod curtly, "I'm an empath."

"My son Edward reads minds." He informs me, "The rest of us do not have any special gifts."

I nod and though I'm not projecting I feel like he feels my distrust. Alice dances back into the room with Rosalie, "I've cleaned out the things in our room to a spare room Jazz but we'll need to redecorate, do you think you'd mind terribly if it's just a tad bit more…. me, than our room with your coven?"

"Do whatever you like Pixie." I smile at her though a small part of me knows I will regret that.

"I told you he'd say yes." She grins at Rosalie. "We need to get clothes too and a story… oooh I know… wait." She lifts a hand as her eyes glaze over, "It's perfect." Then she frowns and turns to me, "You can turn the accent off can't you Jazz? I mean I've heard you suppress it but I mean for longer?"

I nod a strange feeling of self-consciousness rising in me, did she not like my southern accent? Alice just grins again, "Carlisle and Esme are going to adopt you as the twin of Rosalie's they just found and when they met me in the awful foster home, they just couldn't leave me." She chuckles and then spins back to Rosalie, "Let's go shopping!" She squeals.

Rosalie laughs and goes to kiss Emmett, "You ok here?" She asks him softly. He nods but Ali answers, "He'll be good, he and Jasper will spar, it will be good for Jazz to bond, just be careful with that competitiveness Emmett, he doesn't completely trust you yet. She flutters over to me after bestowing him a grin and kisses my jaw, "Keep the accent in bed though." She laughs sending me a wave of lust and mischievousness. I growl at her but send her a contradicting wave of love, adoration and lust. Seconds later and she's gone, and I'm alone, with three strange vampires.

"So you like to tussle?" Emmett breaks the silence.

I assess him for the hundredth time since arriving and give him a smirk and nod, "If you think you can challenge."

He lets out a booming laugh, "Bring it goldie locks!"

"Outside!" Esme admonishes.

I give her a slight bow of respect, "Ma'am." Then I nod to Emmett and the door.

I beat Emmett easily, he's strong and a decent brawler but not a fighter. After kicking his ass quickly for the third time and finding him still happy, laughing good naturedly and challenging me again I know I like him and trust is building in me. Usually it's a hard won thing but Emmett reminds me a little of Peter, only less… scarred inside and out. I promise to teach him to fight and we go to hunt instead. Carlisle and Esme joining us.

Ali and I settle easily into the family and, well for her into the life, for me it's a bit harder but they all seem so open and accepting, even when I give them the edited version of my past, the one I gave to the Pixie. It was bad enough, some things, they didn't need to be spoken, ever. Edward came back, slightly displeased Ali had commandeered his room but good-natured about it. He and my Pixie formed a bond quickly and while he rubbed me the wrong way, as I seemed to him, I was happy to tolerate him for her. She even promised I'd grow to think of him as a brother.

It was around this time they learned Ali and I weren't mates. The Pixie spent a lot of time with Edward and Emmett innocently asked me about it one night.

"Is it because Carlisle changed her for him?" His voice breaks the silence of the room and I look over at him from where Carlisle and I are playing chess. I follow his gaze to Alice at the piano with Edward.

"What?" I ask, seeking out the emotions in the room.

"I used to get jealous sometimes, back in the beginning." He shrugs and I sense embarrassment.

Rosalie is instantly in his arms, "Never." She hisses at him, leaning up to kiss him. "There is only you, always." There is such fierce love pouring off her and worry and misery off him that I can't help but send him a dose of what she's feeling.

His head bolts up to her and then to me in question, I shrug, "That's how a mate feels." I shrug at him, "It's how yeh feel lookin at her, no mate should doubt his woman feels the same."

Rosalie sends me a grateful look and focuses back on Emmett, "You know I love you."

Emmett nods and grins at her, "Love you too Rosie, forever."

"What?" She demands.

"I'm goofy." He tells her looking at his feet. "I piss you off."

"I love you." She reminds him. "All of you."

Emmett nods and smiles at her, "You're my whole world, it's just, in the beginning, back when I was first getting to know everyone, I didn't like him near you, I mean, I still get jealous sometimes but in the beginning it was bad and they've only been together two years, so I was wondering is all."

"All vampires are protective of their mates, and a tad possessive, it's natural." I tell him with a shrug.

"You were also a new born Emmett, our emotions and instincts are never higher." Carlisle confirms.

I look away and back to the board as I move a chess piece without looking across from me, "You and Esme feel like mates too."

"We are." Carlisle agrees gently and I see him nod out of the corner of my eyes but it's to Ali and the sadness coming from her that pulls my attention.

"We aren't." I see venom in her eyes at the whispered words.

I shake my head in agreement, "I'll never deserve a creature as good as you Pixie."

She shakes her head in disagreement. "You do." The love coming off her is almost overwhelming but I hate the note of regret in it even as it makes my heart swell with the possibility she might regret our not being mates.

"I love you Darlin, as long as you're mine I'll give you everything I have to give, and when you aren't…" I shrug, "I'll protect ya always."

She nods and looks back at the piano keys getting her emotions in order.

"You aren't?" Edward is looking from her to me in confusion. I just shake my head at him and turn to Emmett.

"I suppose I'd be more possessive if she was but all that matters to me is my Pixie is happy, she don't have to be mine."

"Rosie's mine." He agrees hugging her close.

"Always." She agrees with him, "And you're mine."

"Damn luckiest man, I maybe shoulda thanked the bear insteada eating it." He boomed a laugh making the atmosphere shift lighter again. It was the only time Ali not being my mate was ever mentioned. We were family and that was all that mattered.


	3. 1999

1999 JPOV

It's the last night of the millennia and Alice is buzzing with excitement. Peter is kicking Emmett's ass, Charlotte and Esme are talking gardens, Rosalie is muttering under the hood of Peter's newest toy, a 67 Shelby mustang and I'm playing chess with Carlisle on the porch, he's winning do to my distraction by the Pixie. Finally I can't help it.

"Something special about the New Year darlin? The world really goin to end?"

She laughs and dances over to me, "No Jazz, it's just going to be a good millennia, better than the last for us."

"We haven't been alive a millennia darlin. Does it feel that long we've been together?" She rolls her eyes at me and I frown as I note the tiniest tenor of sadness under the excitement.

"What's goin on?" I focus completely on her, concern radiating from me.

"Stop analyzing every teeny tiny thing!" She stamps her foot with a growl.

I glare at her and everyone's attention is on us now. "Can't you tell I'm _happy_." She insists.

"Under that." I hiss. She just rolls her eyes at me and throws up her hands in exasperation. "Ali?" My voice is a growl but I know all she feels in the concern and love I'm sending to her.

She sighs, "I'm really happy Jazz, I just love you so much."

A thought hits me and pain, sorrow and loss tear through me, "You saw your mate?" I whisper it trying to absorb the idea. I know I had made her happy over our decades together but I knew a mate would complete her and she deserved that, I believed more than ever that Alice, more than anyone, deserved that love and happiness, just like she deserved this family she loved so much, I loved them to but it was a harder life for me and I missed Peter and Char, still, I'd follow my Pixie, my little savior anywhere.

Alice is shaking her head though and the note of sadness grows before it's pushed away by feelings of love, happiness and hope, "I saw yours." I shake my head disbelieving. "Jazz."

"No," I growl.

I spend the New Year in a tree lost in my own thoughts. I loved Alice. I wouldn't leave her, not ever, I knew one day she'd leave me, she'd meet her mate and I'd be happy for her but I would always take care of her, always love her.

"Jasper." Alice's voice is gentle and hesitant. I send her a wave of affection and a moment later she's in the tree with me.

"You'll be so happy Jasper." She whispers after we sit in silence a while.

"I'm happy now darlin, happier than I deserve."

Fierce love fills her as she hisses, "That's not true." After another long silence her quiet voice interrupts the night, "She's beautiful, even as a human."

"She's human?" I ask surprised.

Alice nods, "I know it will be hard for you Jazz but she's your mate, you'll find the strength to be with her."

I shake my head, more than ever sure, my mate deserved more than me, I wouldn't curse her to an eternity with me, not when she could live out her own human life happily, fall in love, have a family. "You know where she is? When our paths cross?"

Alice shakes her head, "It's soon though."

"Watch for me."

"Of course Jazz." I feel relief, happiness and sadness swirl up in her.

My next words fill her with only sadness, "When its time, change our course, keep her life safe from me Ali." I know she's going to fight me on this but with my last word, with the desperation I send her I feel only resignation from her, "Please."

Alice nods and I see venom in her eyes, I pull her into my arms and send her waves of comfort. "I love you Pixie."

"I love you too Jazz."

Later Peter and Charlotte are the ones to corner me and I know Alice has told them what I asked of her, I can feel it in their emotions along with the one I hate the most, pity.

"Leave it alone." I growl.

"You deserve a mate Jasper." I growl at Charlotte in answer.

"Ali isn't your mate Major and one day she will meet hers, what then?"

"I will always protect her." I growl and then sigh defeated, "I'll come home." I meet his eyes, "Unless I'm no longer welcome in my own coven?"

"Always." Charlotte insists sending me love.

"Better your ass came home with yer mate." Peter growls.

"No." I growl at him.

"Why?" He hisses back at me and I can feel the tensions rising, his need to fight me into submission. He never wins, I've never been beaten but it's helped me see reason before, all I see is reason now though, and I'll make him see it to.

"She deserves to live."

"She deserves love." Charlotte protests.

"Humans don't feel the mate bond like we do." I protest, "She can find love like I have, maybe she already has, if she has an Alice and he makes her happy, she deserves to stay that way, just like my Ali deserves to be happy and find her mate."

"Jasper…" I shake my head at Charlottes protest, hating the pity swirling in her.

"I don't deserve it Char and it were only Peter that saved your life, I'd have burned you, I'd have gone out in that war eventually."

"You protected us from Maria. You saved us both, more than once." She protests angrily, loyalty and love radiating out of her.

"Now I'm protectin my mate," I growl, "From me." They know they won't win this argument and so it's dropped. They aren't happy with me though and neither is Alice, all the other Cullen's just seem sad for me, there is pity in them all and I hate it.

Alice gets the vision immediately and smiles sadly at me, "I'll come with you." I nod once because I'd never not want her near, she just turns to the others, "Jazz and I are taking a vacation." She smiles at them and then goes into another vision before grinning, "We'll see you next year in London. The shopping will be fantastic!"

I chuckle, shaking my head at her even as I reach out my hand to take hers. I need to run, we'll stop somewhere at one of our remote houses to get clothes and a car later, now I cant pretend I'm anything like a human.


	4. 2002

2002 BPOV

I laughed at Timmo as he climbed into the drivers seat, "Obvious much?"

"Shut up!" He shoved me playfully revving the engine. "Think she likes me?"

"Yeah and I think her daddy will shoot you."

"Nah, I'd be more worried about yours cuz."

Timmo wasn't actually my cousin, he was Romani, a gypsy, but he'd sort of taken me in under his wing when we were kids and though I wasn't part of the family where they all called each other cousin, he said I was still his cousin. Charlie hadn't been happy when he found out mom and I were living like, well gypsies, me in and out of schools while we travelled living a little in one place and a little in another. When I was old enough I switched to homeschooling, which was fine by me. Not by Charlie. He made an agreement with Renee, I went to a real school, just one, in one place, for high school at least, and he'd send her the money for the house and my education and there would be no fight over custody and he'd give up his rights to me on holidays and summers except two weeks. She'd made him agree to meet me somewhere other than Forks, somewhere I chose and he readily accepted her terms. So while most of my life I had been homeschooled, drifting around the continent with my mom until we had settled in Arizona. Some of the people mom grew up with passed through and it was only going to be for a few years so mom was happy with it. Timmo and his mom came with us, Talia and mom had become the best of friends from the moment they'd met, I'd been five and Timmo seven, more often than not we had travelled together or ended up in the same spots for a few months at a time. I couldn't be happier he was with me now.

When we'd moved here, he told me he'd met a girl, Maggie, he was in love with her. I couldn't be happier for him, plus it was hilarious to watch him try to win her affection.

"Where your thoughts at Cuz?" He broke into my mental wandering.

"Charlie." I shrug. "I have to go see him next week."

"Where you pick this time? Maybe I can bump into you?"

I laugh at him and shake my head, "Better stay in case someone moves in on your girl. She's pretty enough it wont take long."

He rolls his eyes at me, "Still afraid daddy wont like your new family?"

"I know he wont." I snort. "I also know I'd choose you over anyone but I'd rather not have the fight with him. He's a good dad." I shrug.

"Yeah." He nods, "Fine then. Where you heading anyways?"

"California." I shrug, "It's the easiest."

"Have fun then chica!" He swings to a stop at my house and turns to wink at me with a wide grin.

I lean over and kiss his cheek. "See you when I get back yeah?"

"Course you will." He laughs as I jump out of the old jeep almost falling on my face as I trip over my own feet. "Love ya cousin!" He calls laughing more.

"Yeah, yeah, love you too." I mutter back waving at him as I blush. If I'd known it would be the last time I saw him, I would have said more, hugged him more, made sure he knew just how much I truly loved him. I didn't know though and two days into my visit with Charlie, when my mom called to tell me he had been in an accident, I felt the world crumble around me. There had been nothing consistent in my life, nothing I could completely count on except for Timmo. My mother loved me but she was a flake, a hummingbird who couldn't be still or predictable.

Charlie drove me back to Phoenix, I curled into a ball in the rental car and stared out the window, to numb to feel anything. I was alone now, Timmo was gone.


	5. 2004

2004

I played with the lapis ring on my pointer finger as I thought about Timmo, I still missed my cousin every day. I knew my mom missed his mom too but not in the same way, for one, she was still alive and had simply moved away, moved to be closer to other family because being here was too hard. I understood that, part of me didn't want to be here either, another part wanted to hold to any thing, any place Timmo had been. It was why I never took the ring off. I knew he had stolen it. Timmo didn't exactly think about theft the way I did, he didn't respect the law much, always saying if it didn't hurt anyone then who cared, especially if it benefitted someone who needed it more. Then he'd smirk and say he never took from anyone who couldn't afford it. I'd roll my eyes and let the argument drop. The memory was painful but the ring was like a constant presence keeping him with me.

Mom had become slightly more dependable since then as well, she was still erratic and forgetful but she took care of herself better instead of leaving it to me to worry about.

I let my thoughts continue to drift as I played with the ring and waited for her and her new boyfriend to arrive. Mom was so excited for me to meet him. She'd met him all of a week ago but was clearly smitten.

He was some ball player, Phil something. Mom told me he was sexy and fun and great in bed. Other than that I didn't know much about him, I doubted she did either.

Surprisingly he was younger than her by a lot but just as lost in her as she was him. Even more surprisingly, I liked him, he was fun and nice and didn't try to parent me. I'd never been really parented and wouldn't like anyone to start to try now.

When he moved in a month later I was happy for her. When he proposed I was thrilled for her. When I saw how unhappy she was when he travelled without her, the promise to Charlie leaving us here in Phoenix, I was sorry for her.

That was when I decided to move to Forks. Hey, how bad could it be? All that gray cold rain? Maybe I'd get along great with Charlie, it was sort of my last chance to get to know him before I was set free to live my own life.

Mom worried about me hating it, told me if I did she'd work something out with Charlie and I could come live with her and Phil again. I could see part of her was happy though. She really loved Phil. She loved me too but it was different, he was her life now and I had never really needed her.

Saying goodbye was hard, for both of us, part of me knew that it really was goodbye, we were both starting a new part of our lives and it didn't include each other. I was happy for her though and I knew she just wanted the best for me.

"It's only a short time until you graduate." She murmurs to me, "You can change your mind too, that would be ok, Phil and I would love to have you with us."

"I'll be fine mom."

"I know you will baby girl. You call me ok?"

"Of course."

"Spread your wings, let life take you wherever it wills, fall in love, laugh, even go a little crazy sometimes."

"I love you mom."

"I love you so much baby."

I waved at Phil again and handed my ticket to security, already doubting my decision, couldn't I just stay in Phoenix by myself? It's not like I couldn't take care of myself. I had to be eighteen though before I could be on my own and Renee had promised to live in Phoenix with me until I graduated, that was still just over a year away. It would be great, I try to assure myself as I twist the Lapis ring on my finger, playing with it, a new adventure, just like Timmo would have loved.


	6. 2005 part 1

JPOV 2005

I sat in the corner of the room, pretending to read but really basking in her emotions. She had the deepest, purist emotions, her heart so open and accepting. Since I was twinned so deeply into her emotional state I immediately felt the wave of curiosity and looked up to see what she might have focused on, it was me. Our eyes met and I give her the slightest nod, she blushes and smiles back at me but quickly focuses back on Edward. It's the second time he's brought her over. We all know it's dangerous for her, and could be for us. The Volturi allow some select humans to know, mates usually or the trusted few who help our existence stay hidden. Bella isn't Edward's mate though. He is smitten with her and denies it when I say she isn't his mate, they all think its because she's human that I haven't felt a mate bond between them, maybe I'm wrong, they do have a strong love growing. I feel his fascination with her and her adoration of him more than anything though, her love for him matching, not surpassing the love growing for the entire family within her. I'm glad I didn't kill her when I first learned of her, Alice was against it which was the only reason I didn't take out the threat. She was a good friend to Alice, and my Pixie swore they were meant to be sisters, I'd do anything in the world to make my Pixie happy so I refrained from laughing in Edward's face at the idea he could stop me if I thought killing the girl would protect Ali and this family. I trusted Ali though and she said the girl wasn't a threat but a future sister. Now I was glad I hadn't. Alice really was bonding with the girl and her emotional state, well I was pleased to spend any time near her, she even made lunch at school tolerable.

I was so focused on her that I didn't notice Alice vibrating with happiness until she entered the room, normally I felt her from far off, unconsciously monitoring her emotions whenever she was near.

"Ali?" I look over to her, tilting my lips in an almost smile that was hard to fight anytime I looked at her but impossible when she was sending out such waves of mischief and joy.

"We're having visitors." She beams at me.

Edward hisses to quiet for Bella to hear, "Who?"

"Pete and Char." Ali frowns at him.

"They can't come here." He practically growls at her. It's something I never allow and I send him a dose of fear and impatience.

"My family not welcome anymore? I think that's Carlisle's say."

"They'll be a danger to Bella." He hisses at me.

I just shrug, Pete and Char are controlled, "They have more control around humans because they don't deny themselves, not less."

"I wont have them near her."

"It's not your say." Alice pouts at him. "Besides, it will be fine, don't you trust me?"

Edward rolls his eyes at her and I know he's reading her mind. Bella is radiating confusion, concern and interest.

"Bella, come on, I'll take you home."

I resist the urge to snort and I don't need Ali's visions to see that he'll keep her practically under lock and key while my coven is here. I really don't like the new undertones of possession he feels to her, its not protective possessiveness of a mate but not entirely like possessiveness over prey we are hunting.

Pete and Char stay only a few days, Edward is radiating an air of hostility that I know Peter finds hard not to react to, I find it hard not to put him in his place.

When they leave he allows Bella to return to the house. Peter's odd warnings in my head have me not just basking in her emotions when we are all sitting content but monitoring them, almost like I used to do with Ali, digging deep under the surface to read each trail of emotion and reading the emotions of everyone around her.

Edward didn't like me around her, my 'slips' made it to dangerous, if they were mates I would say it was because I was unmated but he felt a similar low burning anger when Emmett was too close to her and I didn't like it. He began to control her in the smallest ways and I brought it up with Carlisle again, she wasn't his mate. I was, very diplomatically and kindly told to fuck off. Edward had found a girl after a hundred years, the mate bond wasn't there because she was human and regardless it wasn't my concern, Bella had made her choice. Carlisle was naive and to easily led by his first son. I just agreed with him and continued to monitor them.

Despite Alice encouraging Edward from the start and despite her insistance they were meant to be sisters, she confided in me that she believed me and didn't see the two together in the future.

"Why encourage them?" I hiss at her, it's our first real argument. "Why bring her into our world if she wasn't his mate?"

"I have my reasons Jasper." She stamps her foot. "Don't you trust me?"

I hate when she says shit like that, normally I would respond unconditionally, "You aren't thinking clearly Alice!"

"I am!" She yells at me and then looks at me with venom filled eyes, "I'm just trying to help give all of us the best possible future Jasper, including Bella."

"You can't play god Ali. Some things should just be left alone, to follow the path they are meant to."

"Yes." She nods, eyes still venom filled, "They are, and sometimes people need a shove in the right direction or their stubborn hardheadedness with leave them with dark and unhappy futures instead of great ones." She cut me off before I could respond, "Is that what you want for me Jasper? For Bella? Do you want me to just stop watching our futures? Maybe I don't need a mate, I have you right?"

"No Ali." I sigh, "I want you to find your mate."

"What about Bella? Doesn't she deserve her mate?"

"Of course she does but Rose is right, she deserves to live out her human life."

"Why is that our choice? It's her life Jasper, shouldn't she get to choose?"

"She's choosing wrong." I growl at her.

"With Edward?" She sighs and shrugs, "Maybe, but she was meant to be a vampire Jasper, and she will be, I've seen it, just like I was meant to meet you and the Cullen's, we were meant to meet her, I told you, she was meant to be my sister Jasper, I saw it and no matter when we met her that wouldn't change, it would only be easier or harder, more pain or less." I sighed, not wanting to argue with her anymore. "Please just trust me Jasper." I nod curtly and turn to go, her tiny hand on my arm stills me, "I love you Jazz." I send her a wave of my own love back. Things had changed between us since she'd seen my mate, it had become real and I had felt her pulling away ever since, it was subtle and slow and all the love was there, it had just changed, now there was a closeness between us but no passion.

Bella is back at our house when we return and I sift through her emotions, adoration and self-consciousness war within her as she looks at Edward. I send her a small wave of confidence and her eyes flick to me for an instant, he notices of course and looks over at Alice and I. They share a silent conversation as he reads her mind and makes decisions so she can see them.

Alice skips more into the room a smile spreading over her features, "Baseball tonight." Maybe I had been wrong about them sharing a conversation but the guilt in Ali and the deception in Edward these days bothered me and it grew whenever they were in the same room.

Baseball is a disaster and the next few days I found myself self examining more than I ever had before, distracted from my guard but Ali was with me, so I let my thoughts wander. Sitting in the airport all I can think about is the words I spoke to her, they had been true of course but why? Why was this human worth it to me, worth everything? Only Ali had affected me so strongly, so quickly. Of course I had never met two purer souls then theirs, perhaps that was why I was now sworn to them both, to protect them always. With Bella I almost failed, Alice didn't see and I lost Bella, I thanked whatever god or devil had let us reach her in time and for the first time in a century, I took pleasure in watching another being burn.

All summer I watched as Edward's feelings of possession over her grew, so did his frustration and fascination with her silent mind, he loved her still but no more than any he called family and his lust was for her blood and not her newly rounding curves. His need to understand and to control her bothered me, it was like he needed to control her, to mold her into something he could define and predict.

It was a magical summer, except that something seemed to bother Alice, her emotions were in turmoil and despite outward appearance there was something under the surface between her and Edward, frustration, anger and conflict, then finally resolution and guilt. Bella exuded happiness whenever she was with us, but I hated the self-doubt, the self-deprecation she often felt around Edward and I wanted to pull her into my arms, feeding confidence and love into her while shaking her to make her see, she was worth it.

Then came her birthday, Alice was bubbling with happiness but there was a trace of worry in her too. Edward swirled with loss, deception, doubt and resolution. Whatever had been between them, since we arrived was really starting to worry and bother me and what made me angry was the way Alice was shrugging me off, she only answers my questioning with the frustrating… didn't I trust her?

When the tiny drop of blood surfaced on her finger I stopped breathing feeling my eyes go pitch black, I hadn't eaten in days and while human blood used to withstand me for a week or more, animal blood was every two days, three at the most. It wasn't hunger that consumed me at the little drop though, it was rage, she was bleeding.

In less than an instant Edward had crouched and shoved her back. I charged him as I heard the glass shatter, more blood filling the air. Emmett was holding me back as blood lust filled me from every vampire in the room and as I struggled a little against Emmett I sent wave after wave of calm into Edward, trying to somehow calm the animal in him. I saw him nod minutely and knew he was under control as I let Emmett drag me outside, I knew it was where we both, all of us really needed to be.

When the fresh clean air hit me I bolted, running as far from the house as I could, as fast as I could go, Edward was faster and my Ali knew where to wait to get a head of me. I spun on them, on her, angrier than I had ever been.

"You knew!" I hissed, anger, pain and betrayal pouring out of me into them.

"Jasper." Alice stepped forward and I hissed at her. She dropped her hands, venom in her eyes, "Please, try to understand."

"You promised me." I hissed at her again.

"I did what was best."

"For who!" I demanded, raging as I advanced on her, I'd never thought I'd want to wrap my hands around her pretty little neck and wring it.

"Both of you!" She cried out, "All of us!"

"You promised me." I hissed at her again, betrayal filling me and creating a jagged hole in my heart with pain I'd never known, not in all my horrid existence had I felt this kind of pain. Turning to Edward I poured anger and fear into him, "You will leave her alone, never, ever fucking touch her again, don't go fucking near her or I will burn you."

He nodded slowly, "Jasper."

I growled at him and turned to run away from them but turned back to both of them, "You will leave here Alice, you will stay far away from her in person and in your fucking visions, from this moment you are both nothing to me." Edward and I didn't get along, didn't like each other but we'd been family and I'd trusted him. Alice had been my everything. They'd both betrayed me.


	7. 2005 part 2

BPOV 2005

After Edward had left me in the woods I was a wreck, the family had all left me, without so much as a goodbye, I could barely function and I didn't think I'd feel anything but pain and numb again. Until two days later my doorbell rang and I found Rosalie on my doorstep. I was so shocked you could knock me over with a feather and I could barely breathe let alone react when she rolled her eyes at me and let herself in, removing my hand from the door and closing it.

"You smell, go shower." She ordered me. Too shocked to do anything but comply I nodded my head, eyes wide as saucers as I turned, went up the stairs and got in the shower. The hot water felt amazing and I let routine take over as my mind began to fill with questions and doubt I'd seen her, but of any of them, why would I hallucinate her?

With a towel wrapped around me I went into my room and looked at the skinny jeans and long-sleeved tee she'd set on the bed.

"We need to talk." She finally looked up from the magazine she was flicking through, sitting on the rocking chair in the corner of my room.

"Um, ok." I nodded.

"Look," She sniffed at me, "I have nothing against you personally. Honestly I don't care for you either way, only I fucking hate that you are stupid enough to throw away your life by hanging out with vampires and ok so the little prick brother of mine is right and I am jealous of your humanity and I'm jealous of Emmett loving you, a little, you make him happy and that's always a plus to me but we're mates and you don't have one and its natural instinct to not like you being so fucking physical with my damn mate." She hissed at me and then took a couple calming breaths, "That besides because its so minimal as to not be important since he loves you like a sister and he's mine in every sense of the word but you want to just fucking throw your life away, your parents and babies and your fucking life!" She took a few more calming breaths and then met my still to wide eyes as I stood staring at her, still in my towel.

"Get dressed." She nodded to the clean clothes.

I hurriedly dressed, a little self-conscious in front of her but it was the same as the girls locker room so I didn't bother running back to the bathroom.

"Come on." Once I was dressed she led me down the stairs into my kitchen. "Leave a note for Charlie." She nodded at the pad we left by the phone.

"Saying what?" I managed to squeak.

"We went for coffee?" She suggested sarcastically with a lifted brow.

I rolled my eyes but wrote exactly that, then turned back to her, "Aren't you away at school?"

"So I came back for the weekend." She shrugged, "Getting stuff since the family is moving."

"Right." I nodded and just followed her out to the red audi.

She drove us to a coffee shop and made me wait in the car, when she came back it was with a large coffee she handed to me before driving us out of town and stopping.

"Are you going to kill me?" I asked her as I followed her into the woods.

Rosalie snorted, "I'd hardly announce it by having you leave a note for your father and then driving you through town and buying you coffee first." I just nodded and she signed. "OK, sit." I did as I was told and we sat together on a log. "What do you know about the family?" I frowned at her, "Individually, how we each changed, who we were before…"

I shook my head, "Edward didn't say much, it wasn't his story to tell. He did tell me about Carlisle and himself, he said you saved Em from a bear attack and that you were turned in London. Alice and Jasper came later. That's it." I shrugged, wincing at the pain of each name.

Rosalie nodded and sighed, "So Carlisle was alone a long time before he turned Edward and then it was only a couple decades before he found Esme."

"Edward said she'd fallen off a cliff."

Rosalie snorted, "Right, and me?"

I shrugged, "You were dying too when Carlisle changed you."

"Right." She snorted again, "Except that Esme didn't fall off a cliff, she flung herself off of it." I gasped at her and she gave me a bleak smile, "Back then there was no divorce, and a husband had rights over his wife, to take her or to beat her, there was no escape for her and when her son died, Esme couldn't take it anymore. She'd had two other miscarriages and the doctor said she couldn't have any more. Carlisle did truly save her, he showed her love and patience and gave her another life, a better life." I nodded fighting back tears. "Mine was a different kind of tragedy." She continued on to tell me how a decade after turning Esme he found her, beaten, brutalized and dying, Carlisle had changed her in hopes she'd be for Edward what Esme was for him but Rosalie and Edward weren't mates, they barely tolerated each other and Rosalie resented her new life, until two years later, she found Emmett bleeding out in the woods. Emmett gave her everything Carlisle had given to Esme, a new life, a better life, but neither woman would ever have the one she grew up dreaming about, growing old with the man she loved, watching children and grandchildren grow. "Emmett is enough for me Bella, and Esme has Carlisle and her adopted children but you still had a chance at a real life, at a future and you just threw it away for a spoiled child who thinks his way is the best and because he reads the surface of people's thoughts he knows everything." She hissed then rolled her eyes and sighed, "Sorry, Ed and I will always have our differences but he's my brother and I love him. I love all of our family and I want all of them to be happy, as happy as I am with Emmett."

I nod, "You're trying to tell me I'm not… I'm not, his mate." I bit back tears at the fresh wave of pain, I'd already cried silently through hers and Esme's pasts.

Rosalie shook her head and took my hand gently, "Listen to me ok?" She waited for me to nod.

"So that was 1933, when I turned Emmett and a few decades passed and we are all living together in Canada, except Edward has gone to visit some other friends, so it's just the four of us when Alice and Jasper appear out of the woods and he's a bit scary and stand off-ish but she just bounds up to us, hugging Carlisle and Esme, telling them she'll be their daughter and taking my hand to drag me into the house to pick her room."

I chuckle through the tears, "She takes over Edwards room."

Rosalie laughs and nods, "You couldn't help but love her." Then her smile becomes less wide, softer and her eyes looked into the distance. "Jasper was different, he was wary of us, scarred inside and out. He did scare us a little, there was no denying he was a fighter and when we heard his past…" she licked her lips, "What he's lived through." She shook her head. "We were all glad he'd found Alice, that they had come to us. Jasper never really fit in with the family but we still loved him. When we found out they were companions and not mates it shocked us all but by then it didn't matter, they were both family, we just felt sad for them."

"Jasper and Ali aren't…"

She shook her head and gave me a sad smile, "Alice was turned around a year before Esme, she didn't know who by or why, not until James told you the things he did and I don't think she's looked more into her past now that she has that. For her, life began when she woke from the change and all that came before doesn't matter."

"She told me." I nodded, "Everything before waking up was just darkness."

"Right." Rosalie agreed, "Except when she woke up she had her visions which helped her and the first things she saw were Jasper and us."

"She waited for him in a diner and then they found you together." I agreed, "Alice told me."

Rosalie nodded again, "Before Jasper walked into that diner, he lived a very different life and I'm pretty sure none of us know the whole story but here is what I do know. "Jasper was born in 1844 and changed in 1863 by a sadistic bitch named Maria." I ached for Jasper as Rosalie explained to me the young soldier he had been and the carnage that had been the southern wars, then his letting two go free and later running off with them to get away from that world. She told me about his struggle with his conscious and eating only criminals and already dying people and then his struggle with the animal diet. Some of it she said he'd told all of them, some of it she knew because they had grown close over the years or Alice had mentioned to her. It took a long time to tell it all and then we sat in quiet for a while.

"Why are you telling me all of this? Why did you even come back? You don't like me."

"I told you Bella, I don't care for you one way or the other, I never let myself, you are a human and a liability, you could have easily been killed, by one of us or by accident and having you around had to high of a possibility to be damaging to my family. I have nothing against you personally except your willingness to just throw away a life I would kill to have with Emmett."

"Except Edward was already a vampire, we couldn't have that life."

"You could have it with a human." She sighed, "You aren't his mate Bella, it would be different to me if you had been but no matter what Carlisle and Esme want for him or were hoping you, weren't and now we all know that he knew it. He and Alice both."

"What?" I frowned at her, trying to comprehend what she was saying.

"Alice has loved Jasper a long time Bella, he says she saved him but Alice tells it different, you said she told you about them meeting right?"

"He was the first one who made her feel special instead of like a freak, he made her confident and happy, he saved her." I replied with a nod.

"They saved each other." Rosalie agreed, "Only no matter how much _they_ wanted it to be otherwise, they aren't mates." I nodded, showing I was following her. "Alice saw his mate on New Years Eve in 1999 and he made her promise that she would watch out for his mate and make sure that since she wasn't a vampire they never met."

"So I was what? An experiment? Show Jasper he can be with his mate by having Edward be with his singer?"

"No." She sighed, "In a way, though, sort of."

"Right." I swiped at my tears angrily and stood up, "Thanks for filling me in, can you take me home now?"

"No." She pulled my wrist to make me sit again, "I'm not finished."

"I am." I protested.

"Please Bella. This is important."

"What?" I demanded, fighting back the tears, "I'm nothing, I was always nothing! I get it!"

"No." She growled at me, gripping my wrist tighter.

"Ow." I looked to my wrist and she let go.

"I'm sorry." She sighed again, "Please just sit back down and let me finish, then I can take you home."

I nodded and sat, knowing I really didn't have a choice and still curious as to why she came, Edward had already told me I was nothing to any of them, a distraction. I must have voiced this out loud because she was growling, "Rosalie?"

"Edward said what?"

I shrugged, "Nothing, it doesn't matter, please just tell me what you seem to think you need to?"

She glared at me before sighing again, "Fine, so Alice and Edward, arrogantly thinking that they see and know all and thus can meddle in other peoples fucking lives, decided to bring you into the family. Edward really did, well does love you and its hard for him but he always knew you weren't really his. Something Alice always reminded him of, discretely, while letting the rest of us think it was possible you were, even though Jasper said you weren't."

"Huh?"

"Jasper knows what mates feel like, Edward insisted it was because you were still human that the bond didn't feel the same and Carlisle and Esme ate up the theory, I was more inclined to believe Jasper and Emmett didn't know or care he just liked you."

"OK."

"No it isn't."

"Can you please just tell me what you are doing here? What is it I need to know so badly?" I huffed, a little impatient.

"Jasper wasn't trying to attack you on your birthday. He was enraged that your blood had been spilt and then when Edward tossed you into the table he wasn't fighting Emmett to get to you, he was struggling to get to Edward, and using his gift to pump lethargy and calm into Edward, while fighting the blood lust we were all pumping into him."

I finally thought I understood, "I never blamed Jasper for what happened Rosalie. Honestly, you can tell him and the others it was never his fault. He's a vampire and an empath, I was bleeding in a room of vampires and I'm Edward's singer. I get how dangerous it was, I always did, I just thought you were all worth the risks."

She gave me a small smile, "Thank you but that isn't exactly it."

I frowned at her, "Jasper was trying to protect you Bella. The moment you bled he understood. I think part of him knew for a while, he just didn't want to accept it."

"What?"

"Jasper made Alice promise to lead him away from his mate Bella, only she loves him, she wants him to find that peace, that happiness but he doesn't think he deserves it."

"He does." I practically growl at her.

Rosalie just smiles at me, "I know, so does Alice, which is why she ignored that promise, only things didn't go quite the way she and Edward planned, leaving all of us in an unhappy mess."

"So… wait… what?" I was confused, dots wanted to connect in my head but they made no sense.

Rosalie rolled her eyes and began to speak very slowly, "I… am… here… because… Alice and Edward… fucked up. _You_… are not… _Edward's_… mate."

"I'm… I can't… what?"

Rosalie snorted and rolled her eyes again, "Jesus I never thought you were slow or did you hit your head recently."

"The boy I love and his whole family, the family I wanted to be mine forever, left me; him lost and alone in the woods, crying, cold and broken and them without a freaking goodbye. Now you're back telling me its because he and my supposed best friend were playing what? Love triangle matchmaker? Because I… because Ja… because… what does it matter, he doesn't want me, clearly he never did, so why are you here? Why make me fall in love with Edward and your family if I was never going to be part of you?"

"I can't say I know exactly what they were thinking, it was some elaborate way of making sure you and Jasper met and he let himself open to you so that you would both have a happily ever after but it didn't work out how they planned and now Jasper is gone and fucking pissed with them both and both of you are fucking broken."

"So he knows? He knows and he left? Why are you here? He doesn't want me, Edward doesn't want me, clearly the family doesn't want me, so your problem has gone away, I'm still human and your family is safe."

"Until the Volturi find out we told a human." She snorted "they do have rules you know."

"So what, you want to kill me after all?"

"No." She huffed, "I want you to fix Alice and Edwards mistake."

"Me?"

"Yes," she nodded, "Jasper deserves to be happy, he deserves his mate and since that is you, you are part of my family now to and that is important to me."

"I'm still human."

"Yes but your mate isn't. So if you want to live your human life, fine. I can accept that and just hate you a little for leaving Jasper alone for eternity."

"He doesn't want me anyways."

"Of course he does." She rolled her eyes, "Weren't you listening to me at all? Jasper doesn't think he deserves you and he thinks you deserve more than him, like a family with kids and a husband you choose to love."

We sat in silence a little longer and then she stood up, "Come on, Charlie will be worried, it's getting dark." We walked back to the audi and she drove me home both of us lost in our own thoughts.

Charlie was home and a little worried when I walked in, "Sorry dad, Rosalie came back to town to get some things since the family moved, we went for a drive. I'll just get us some dinner." He frowned at me but nodded as I went into the kitchen and cooked, my mind still spinning with everything Rosalie had told me, it was too much to process in just one conversation. I ate with Charlie still lost in my own thoughts and then went to bed. That weekend I did homework, cooked for Charlie and thought about the odd conversation with Rosalie, the whole next week I went through classes, my head lost in thought as I continued to think and to try to forget, to rage at Alice, Edward, Jasper and Rosalie, to cry, dream and generally process the things I had learned.

The next Saturday I went to the Cullen house and glared at it, "How the hell am I supposed to fix anything? Everyone left me remember? Then you show up with all of this shit storm and disappear? That isn't fair." I kick the tire of her car and spin at the deep chuckle coming from the porch.

"Emmett!" I yell in shock and happiness.

"Belly!" He laughed bounding off the porch and swinging me up into the air.

I heard a huff from the porch and Emmett put me back on my feet, "I hardly disappeared." Rosalie snorted.

"You dropped me off and didn't come back."

She shrugged, "I gave you time to process everything or would you have preferred me breathing down your neck telling you what to decide the way Edward did?"

I frowned at her, "No."

She rolled her eyes at me, "Fine, so you processed and I'm here, what did you decide."

"Um, I ah, well, nothing. I don't know."

She glared at me. "Ok, so not nothing, but I don't know ok. He doesn't want me and I don't even really know him, Edward didn't want us around each other, he was to dangerous."

"One Edward wasn't completely convinced Alice was correct about you being his mate and two vampires are naturally protective and possessive of their mates, the more Edward kept you from Jasper the more frustrated he'd become until claiming you, or so their theory."

"Clearly it didn't work."

"Clearly." Rosalie agreed. "So what are you going to do about it?"

"Is this why they all left me, because I'm not Edward's mate?"

"Jasper actually ordered Edward and Alice to stay away from you. Edward explained to the rest of us you weren't his mate."

"So they just left me?"

"Edward convinced them it was for all of our own good, yours as well. Clearly I disagree and Emmett didn't want to leave in the first place which is why we're back."

"So now what the hell am I supposed to do? I still love him, all of you."

"The family will be fine Bella, Carlisle and Esme both love you, they are very upset with Edward and only left because you aren't his mate and are convinced you'll heal, move on and be happier and safer without us. It's Jasper you need to worry about. Alice admitted to me, that you are his mate and told me about how much she and Edward fucked up but the only one that can do anything about it and convince Jasper he's wrong and he does deserve you is you.

"How do you propose I do that? He left me too."

"You go after him." She huffed exasperatedly.

"Really Rose?" Sarcasm leaked into my voice before I snapped at her, "How the fuck do I find him? He is a vampire and I am human teenager!"

"Um Bella, Rose." Emmett stepped between us with hands raised as we glared at each other.

Rosalie sighed and then rolled her eyes at me, "We did plan on trying to help you."

"Right." I frowned at her, she looked uncomfortable almost nervous. "What?"

"You really do have to decide Bella."

"Its why we left you alone to think this week." Emmett added gently.

"What?" I demanded again.

Rosalie looked away venom in her eyes, "I decided for Em because there was no other choice, but if I'm honest I'm selfish enough that if I'd just met him like we had you I'd still have made the same choice for him. Jasper isn't that selfish. You have to be the one to decide for yourself." Then she disappeared into the woods.

"It's hard for her to admit." Emmett told me quietly, "I know I'd have forgiven her for making it either way, maybe because I would have chosen her anyways but Rosalie really does value human life and anyone choosing this is hard for her, its even harder because its for Jasper and he's our brother so she wants you to choose it."

"Emmett?"

"If we go after him Bella, you choose this life."

"I already chose it Emmett, not just for Edward but for the family, for me."

Emmett shook his head, "This time, choosing it really does mean leaving this life behind Bella, forever."

With that he disappeared after Rosalie. I got back into my car and drove home. I spent the weekend doing chores, cleaning my room, tossing old clothes and boxing up some old things and cooking, baking and freezing what was to much for Charlie and I. Most of all I spent the weekend thinking.

Sunday night I lay in bed, twirling my lapis ring on my finger, "I miss you Timmo." I whispered to it. That night I slept completely peacefully for the first time in two weeks.

In the morning, instead of going to school I drove to the Cullen house. "How do I die?" I asked the silent house knowing Emmett and Rosalie knew I was there and would hear me.

Rosalie came out of the garage wiping grease on a cloth, "You have two choices that are equally plausible."

"What?"

"You could run away." Emmett says from behind me.

I jump a little but then shake my head, "That would lead Charlie after the family."

"I agree." Rosalie seems to almost smile at me with approval.

"Charlie would need a body though." I frown in thought.

"Not necessarily." Rosalie disagrees.

"So what are my options?"

"Suicide." Rosalie tells me simply. "Drive your truck to the La Push cliffs, the weather is bad now. Leave your truck and a few things in it along with a note then jump off the cliff. I'll wait under water and grab you, then swim us away. You'd have to hold your breath as long as possible but there would be no concern about not finding a body."

"A lot can go wrong with that." I make a face at her, "What if someone sees me, or you, or what if I can't hold my breath as long as I need to and drown."

"I'd surface before letting you drown." She rolled her eyes at me. "It would be risky, especially since Emmett and I can't be on Quileute land but it is a plausible choice."

"OK, what's the second choice?"

"Choice number two is kind of risky too and we'd need to wait for the weekend but I think its best for your father. It also gives us time to get you papers for the new you."

"OK what is it."

"Murder."

"Sorry?"

"There are a lot of bad people in the world Bella."

"I know that but if I'm murdered, won't there need to be a body?"

"No." Rosalie shook her head; "You and a friend will need to go to Seattle next weekend. Tell your dad you really need to get away with a girlfriend to heal from this breakup, tell him anything but get him to let you go."

"I can do that." I nod.

"Make sure its another girl though, maybe Angela or Jessica, hell bring them both. If you can make it an over night trip all the better."

"So we go to Seattle and then what?"

"Then you will be abducted and personal items will be found along with other abducted girls belongings. A bad man goes to prison and Bella Swan dies."

"Do you know where a serial killer like that is?" I ask them horrified.

"Not exactly but like I said, there are a lot of bad men out there, you just leave the details to us, ok?"

"Ok."

"Option two then?" Rosalie confirms. I just nod.

"Go to school, act normal, talk to the girls."

I nod and get in my truck. It had been weeks since I'd talked to my friends at school. Luckily they were all happy to see I was back to myself that week and accepted me back into the fold readily enough. Unfortunately Seattle would be put off for a week but on the 8th of October Jessica, Lauren, Angela and I set off for the weekend in Seattle, to have a girls weekend and take a tour of the university campus.

We'd be on the campus all day Saturday for the tour and our parents agreed it would be to late to drive back so if we promised to be careful and stay together we could all go together and spend the night in the city as long as we were home by dinner on Sunday and called to check in often.

The tour was fun but I was a little anxious about when and where I was going to be 'abducted'. I tried to relax as the day wore on and we went out to dinner and back to the hotel. I was a little worried something had gone wrong when I was still with my friends at breakfast. We did a little shopping and then got on the road but Jessica's car broke down about an hour into the trip. We called a tow truck from the town of Poulsbo, which was only ten minutes away. They said it would take two hours to fix so we called our parents and amended our arrival time before wandering around a bit and then going to get some lunch. After we ate, we checked out the shops and wandered around for a bit, settling into a little coffee shop with an attached used bookstore. Jess and Lauren sipped coffee and gossiped while Angela and I wandered the shelves. Seeing Rosalie I went back to the bathrooms, waving at Angela as I passed her down another aisle and slipping into the back.

I was on the news that night. Eighteen-year-old female, abducted from a used bookstore. A discarded rag of chloroform was found the corner near the door, it was assumed it had been dropped during a struggle. A few days later, an SUV recognized as the same type seen leaving the alley was searched to find pieces of my hair. In the house they found a small safe, inside it several photos of women, including me, two photos of each woman, one of her wrists wrapped in duct tape with a piece over her mouth and the other in a crumpled heap in a pit in the woods. Meg Ames was arrested and the woods searched with dogs. Only one grave was found, the body to decomposed to be considered me. The woman just laughed into the news cameras. "Little bitches lost in the woods, sweet little whores too pretty, too smart, got to pay the piper. Somebody has to pay and I paid enough."

"How did you find her?" I shuddered.

"We found one of the girls while hunting, there was someone else we were going to use in the city until Emmett stumbled across that." Rosalie waved her hand.

I read later in the paper they had found the girl had been abused her whole life, her mother physically and her step father sexually she was below average IQ and was teased and taunted at school for not being smart or pretty. A runaway at sixteen she lived on the streets until she met and then married Jonas Ames, who brought her from Seattle to live outside Poulsbo, he was the mechanic fixing Jessica's car and the mastermind behind abducting girls, he'd keep them in the woods for a few days, starving and dehydrated, then kill them and have sex with the corpse. He convinced Meg she was special, his little wife but he had needs so she had to help him. It was them or her and he didn't want it to be her, he wanted to protect her.

I felt sick to my stomach and I almost wished they had just killed him instead of letting him get away with only prison. Damaged Meg could have prison but that sick bastard should've paid. I was surprised at my own thoughts and a little upset by them. Rosalie and Emmett did what they could to distract me.

From Poulsbo we had driven straight through to Minneapolis. The drive took twenty-four straight hours only stopping to change cars from the SUV to a brand new F150 truck Emmett had bought and left waiting for us in Idaho and then just for gas or for me to eat or pee.

In the city they checked us into a hotel and gave me the package with my new identity.

Bella McCarty. I was Emmett's younger sister. I had the same birthday so that would be easy to remember but I was from Gatlinburg, Tennessee. I'd been there once with Renee and Timmo camping in the Smokey Mountains National Park and I was surprised when Emmett told me that was actually where he was from.

We stayed the week and then with my new identity we flew to South America where a friend of theirs was waiting.

"Shouldn't we find Jasper first?" I looked hesitantly from one of them to the next.

"If he's going to be pissed at us for interfering its for completely inferring." Emmett shrugged.

"This was your choice Bella." Rosalie huffed.

"Yeah, but," I nodded at the red eyed vamp, "I didn't choose him."

"Garrett." He introduced himself again.

"Yeah, right, ok, what's stopping him from just you know eating me?"

Garrett shrugged, "She has a point, I could just drain her."

Rosalie hissed at him and Emmett looked between us warily.

"Why can't Carlisle do this?" He asked raising an eyebrow at her.

"He wont interfere." Rosalie pouted.

"Eleazar?" He suggested.

"Won't get involved in Cullen business." Rosalie rolled her eyes at that one.

"Looks like it's just me then, so poppet, shall we?" He held out his hand as though asking me for a dance.

I hesitated but took his hand, looking back at Rosalie for assurance, "Then we find Jasper?"

Rosalie shook her head, "He's running now, eventually he'll go to his coven and one day, in the future, you'll find each other, you have to." She looks heartbroken, "At least this gives you the chance."

"Rosalie?" I question, afraid now.

"You might be a little blood lusty and out of it for a while now." Emmett joked.

"We can't come with you Bella, we have to leave, to go back home." Rosalie seems apologetic as she tells me she's leaving me here, to die, technically die, in the arms of this strange red-eyed vampire. I'd wake to this new life as alone as I'd spent in my human one, with no family, no one who loved me.

"Give it time." Rosalie gives me a sad look, "You'll find him one day."

"How?" I asked, trembling with fear and loneliness as I imagined my future, I'd be a vampire but it wouldn't be the life I dreamed with the Cullen's, I'd be alone, I was always alone.

She doesn't answer the question, "He's worth it Bella."

"I know." I agree softly. I barely registered the movement as Garrett tugged my hand pulling me into his body and tilting my neck.

The burning began and I felt Rosalie kiss my forehead, "I'm so sorry Bella. I hope we can start again in this life some day."

"Love you Bella. Always." Emmett ran a finger over my forehead and I wanted to ask them what was going on. Why they had to leave. I didn't want to be alone.

I struggled not to scream against the pain but I knew whimpers escaped me.

"It's ok Bella. You can let it out, no one will hear." His voice was gentle and reassuring even as I opened my mouth and screamed against the pain.


	8. 2005 part 3

BPOV New Born

Time meant nothing as I burned, I knew nothing, thought nothing, felt nothing but the fire as it moved through me burning brighter and brighter until it began to move away from my limbs, burning ever hotter in my center, I could clearly hear the thump, thump, thump in my chest as it struggled against the heat. Then it was silent and the pain gone, like it had never been. Instead of the pain I felt air on my skin, heard music tap, tinkling around me. I blinked open my eyes and saw there was more than darkness, more than burning. The music was rain, I could hear each drop against every leaf and the rock of the cave entrance. I closed my eyes again to listen to it for a moment and then opened them to examine the colors of the world around me.

I could smell the earth, flowers and plants all around me, I heard the heavy thump of heartbeats miles off and stood in the rain, examining the world around me through sight, sound and smell. There was a scent that seemed out of place though I didn't know why or what it could be until he came into view.

"Hello Bella."

I tilted my head and frowned at the man before me, was I supposed to know him?

"I'm Garrett, your maker."

"My maker?" Instinct told me to trust him.

"Yes." He nodded smiling at me, "You are a vampire."

"A vampire?" I repeated him, rolling the words around in my mind as I thought about them, they sounded right.

Garrett nodded, "Remarkably composed for a new born." I frowned at him in question but he just smiled at me in response and shook his head, "Never mind. Tell me what you remember."

I frowned at him, was this a test? "The rain sounds like music. It's seven steps from where I was to where I am. There is some animal a few miles that way, a herd."

Garrett smiled at me nodding, "From before you woke up."

"The burning." I whispered. "Darkness and fire." I frowned as murky images swam before my eyes and looked down at the ring on my finger, "A boy, Timmo, cousin, friend, sadness and loss. An accident, something took him from me." Garrett just nodded and motioned for me to continue, "A woman's laugh, a man's blurry face gruff but his eyes, he loved me, they both did."

Garrett nodded again, "Anything else?"

I struggled to think through the fog in my head, past the dark and the burning. "Nothing clearly." I frowned at him, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." He smiled at me. "Your name is Bella. For now your last name will be McCarty."

"Is it my last name?"

"No, we don't have a real one, we're nomads."

"Nomads?" I asked him.

"Time to eat." He cut off my questions. My throat did burn so I lifted a hand to it and he nodded, "Come on."

Along the way he explained how we ate, animals, criminals and occasionally someone already near death. He told me about what I was and how our life would be now and when I asked him what I'd been before he told me human but that human was dead and I was just Bella now.


	9. 2008-2014

BPOV 2008-2014

Three years passed quickly, Garrett was a good friend and I trusted him but I was unsure when he said we were going to visit other vampires. I hadn't met anyone like us before.

We flew to Alaska, being confined on the plane wasn't my favorite thing but the flight wasn't terribly long.

His friend was part of a coven; he called them the Denali Coven. Eleazar met us at the airport and led us to an SUV, he'd drive most of the way and then we could run.

I sat in the back listening while they talked. Garrett had always called me special, I'd shake my head at him but listening to him talk with Eleazar I really wondered about being different from others like me.

"You say she had no rage?"

"Some mood swings but nothing like another, I mean look at her Eleazar, she's only three."

"Remarkable." He nodded, "I wonder if it has to do with her gift."

"I thought she might have one." Garrett nodded.

"A shield as far as I can tell."

"Powerful?"

"She's murky to me, so yes, I'd say remarkably so."

I stared out the window as I listened to them and watched the passing snow drifts. Finally we stopped and got out to run.

"Am I wrong?" I asked Garrett. It was something I'd asked him several times that first year.

"No, Special." He smiled back at me like he always did. I wasn't sure if I believed him or not but as always the conversation ended there.

Garrett was my friend, my family, the only thing in this world that kept me from being alone and I loved him, he was kind and funny and taught me so many things but I still felt lonely, different and a little lonely.

We spent a seven months with the coven, Garrett had found his mate in Eleazar's 'daughter' Kate. I got along well with her but not terribly well with Irina or Tanya. I felt more alone than ever. Eleazar and his mate Carmen were very kind to me and helped me with what Eleazar referred to as my gift. A shield that kept me from being affected by Kate's gift and with practice I was able to protect others as well, at first while I was touching them, then when I could see them and at least with Garrett from a little ways away.

I was ready to leave though, I was tired of animal blood and Irina and Tanya. Garrett and Kate agreed we could go for a while, Kate called it a vacation and when I asked him Garrett said that Kate was part of a coven and he'd stay with her if it made her happy so they would likely return to Denali after a little while. What I would do I wasn't sure but Garrett assured me that while he wanted me to remain with him, I could freely go or stay as I wished. I'd never even thought of not going with him before and this idea was new to me, to be a nomad, on my own? I'd truly be alone then.

For a few months we travelled from Alaska through Canada and back down to the United States before parting ways. Garrett and Kate to be on their own for a bit before going back to her coven, flew to Europe. I didn't like planes so for the first time in this life, I had been left behind, I was alone and frightened but determined as I twisted the lapis ring on my finger to gain courage and decided on what to do with myself.

I moved from town to city to town staying a few months in a place before moving on. It was lonely without Garrett. I was in Vermont, the only state Garrett had forbidden me from entering was Washington, something to do with my human life but the North was easier to be out in the day and I had been to almost every state but a couple in the south.

I was shocked and a little afraid when a tiny vampire found me in the woods only a few months after I'd been on my own, "Bella!" She grinned at me. "You are just as beautiful as I knew you'd be."

"Hello?" I questioned cautiously, my shield flowing into place around me even as I felt something pull at the mist that was the world before the burning darkness, some memory.

Her smile dimmed just a little, "I'm Alice. We were friends, sisters, we will be again but, not for a while now."

"Oh." I nod as though that makes sense.

She giggles, "I'm a seer." I just frown at her and she giggles again, "I have visions of the future. Sometimes they change with people's decisions." She shrugs and looks sad for a minute, "I've made some mistakes, it's not the easiest gift to have."

"No." I agree, "It wouldn't be."

She smiles at me again but it's a little less bright. "I have to go now Bella. I warned the family they'd have a visitor, but I didn't tell them who. They'll be so happy to see you."

"Family?"

She nods, "The Cullens, they live in Maine now. I was just visiting but I left and I saw I'd meet you if I came this way."

"Are you a Cullen?"

"I am." She nods, "I just haven't lived with them a few years. I live in Paris. Edward, he spent some time tracking Victoria and then in Alaska but now he's home. Rose and Emmett went to Africa for a year and then came to see me in Paris before moving back home. He was so angry when he found out what they'd done." She seemed almost amused by that, "I couldn't be happier except that I'm a little afraid for them. He was very angry with me, I can't imagine how angry he'll be with them."

"Who?" I was so confused at her quiet words.

She just sent me a soft, sad sort of smile, "I'll see you again Bella. We'll be friends, if not sisters."

"Alice?"

She shook her head and sent me another sad smile, "I lost his trust, it wasn't supposed to happen like that, I just didn't see everything. I thought I knew everything, with Edward's help… but we were wrong. I'm sorry. I never wanted him to hurt. I never wanted him to be alone again. I was so sure he never would be, neither of us would be."

"Alice."

She shook herself and smiled at me again, "I'm sorry. Ignore me. Go and meet the family Bella. I'll see you again." With that she ran off into the trees.

It was a strange encounter and I wasn't sure if I wanted to go meet this odd family but I felt drawn to them, something pulling at the mist of my pre-darkness and burning memory, so after a few hours of indecision I took off for Maine.

I smelt them from a few miles off and hesitated again in fear. The little Pixie seemed trust worthy and I had faith in my gift, besides, I was lonely and I didn't want to be alone anymore. I was met by five vampires standing on the porch of a very fine house, cautiously I approached them, my gift wrapped tightly around me.

"Cullens?" I ask carefully.

The blond nods, "I'm Carlisle, Bella."

"You all know me?" I ask them, receiving five nods.

"My name is Emmett McCarty." The big one tells me stepping off the porch.

"McCarty?" I frown at him, "It's my name."

"We gave it to you." The blonde tells me rolling her eyes, "It was Emmett's as a human."

"Do you know what mine was?"

"Swan." The caramel haired women tells me gently. I nod at her as though I had known it before.

"I met a strange vampire in Vermont and I think I knew her too, Alice?"

The blonde man nods again, "Our daughter, I'm Carlisle, this is my mate Esme and our family, Emmett, Rosalie and Edward."

"Hello." I smile at them and nod.

"Where is Garrett?" Rosalie asks.

"Europe with his mate." I shrug, not wanting to show them any weakness or fear that I was alone. I was a shield; I could protect myself.

"Garrett found his mate?" Emmett's booming laughter fills the air.

I smile at him, something about him puts me at ease, despite his size.

"I still can't read you." Edward smiles at me.

I frown at him tilting my head, "Read me?"

"Edward reads minds." Carlisle informed me.

"Right." I nod, another gifted vampire, were the others? "I'm a shield," I tell them with a shrug, "Maybe it protected me as a human."

Carlisle nodded at me, "Yes, I imagined as much when you were human."

"Of course." I nod, a little uncomfortable, these people know me but despite a feeling that I should know them I didn't and while my instincts told me I could trust them, I was still a little nervous.

"Can we hunt? You were a little breakable last time we knew you?" Emmett grins at me and I can't help but grin back.

"Sure bear, why not." I shrug at him, not sure why I called him that but it made his smile grow wider.

"Called me that human too." He told me with a wink. "So let's go Tinkerbella."

I laugh and run after him into woods. Animals were not my meal of choice but the predators weren't inedible.

I spent a couple months with the Cullen's and learned more about my human life than Garrett would ever tell me. I asked why they hadn't changed me but I didn't get any real answer. Only Carlisle had changed anyone before and only when they were dying, I hadn't been but Rosalie and Emmett admitted bringing me to Garrett so why not stay? Why if they all wanted me to be changed didn't Carlisle just do it? I didn't press them on it much but the unanswered questions still bothered me. It was good not to be alone for a while but I knew I didn't belong there, something inside of me was searching and I didn't know what is was. The Cullens might have, just like Garrett could have but I'd never asked, I wasn't sure how to ask. I did know this wasn't where I belonged and no matter how much I liked them all, I was still an outsider, still alone and it made me almost more lonely to be surrounded than when I was actually alone.

After I left them I travelled around more and instead of avoiding our kind as I had before the strange little Pixie vampire found me, I met a few of them on my travels. I'd been alone a long time when I came across the strong scent of several vampires. A coven. I was a little cautious, I'd only met one small coven besides the two animal drinking ones and while my gift was getting stronger I never forgot all the things Garrett taught me and some vampires didn't like you on their territory.

"Help ya?" A large vampire called out from my left.

"Hello." I called back. "I was just passing through."

"You felt the need to pass right through our territory?" A female voice called from my right.

"I caught the scent and came to say hello."

"Hello?" The woman questioned moving closer so I could see her downwind.

I nod and smile at her, "I'm Bella."

The male gives off a large loud laugh reminding me of Emmett. "Santiago and my mate Lila."

I smile at him, my eyes scanning the scars visible along his skin, Garrett had a few but nothing like this. My maker warned me to be cautious of some of our kind and to trust my instincts. I didn't recognize these two in the way I had the Cullen's but I felt I could trust them, I remained watchful in any event. "It's nice to meet you."

"You too little one. How old are you?"

I tilted my head in thought, time passed oddly as a nomad, "Six, I think. My maker turned me in fall 2005."

"Round about seven then." Peter nodded. "Where is your maker?"

"He met his mate when I was three. I was with them a little under a year, part with her coven and part just them. I've seen them once since then and I stayed with others here and there but mostly I've been alone."

"Lonely life." Lila seemed sad for me as I nodded.

"I say hello when I come across a vampire or two. There are more scents here, older, coven mates or visitors?"

"Friends, they come and go and Lila's old coven." I nod, its not my place to ask to many questions.

"You're welcome to stay a bit." Lila smiled at me softly, sadness still in her eyes.

I hesitate, unsure about the rest of them returning.

"Nevermind the others, you're welcome here with us."

"Thank you." I smiled tentatively at him.

While I'd hoped for a short visit what I found was a family of sorts. Lila very quickly became a new friend and when he found out about my gift but utter lack of fighting skill Santiago and she took to training me both to use my gift in battle and how to fight without it. He was a demanding teacher but a good one.

I spent longer with them than I had even the almost familiar Cullen's and part of me wished I could stay with them but Santiago was part of the Volturi, and when one of the king's called them I said goodbye and was again on my own.

It didn't take long to become lonely again and quickly I travelled back to Alaska, I didn't have anywhere I belonged, the most at home I'd ever felt was with Garrett those first few years and with Santiago and Lila, I had made friends with various nomads and covens, but I was lonely, I wanted a place to belong, a coven, a family. I didn't want to be alone anymore.

When I arrived there was no one to greet me, the place was empty, dark and cold. Something was going on, and the Denali's were all gone, and not for a hunt, they'd been gone for a while. I called Garrett.

"Bella?"

"I came for a visit but no one is here."

"Something big is going on Bella. The kings sent for Eleazar and some other Coven's, listen to me little one, you stay away from any vampires, use your shield and run if you catch a scent. I'll contact you when I can."

"Garrett?"

"Go Bella, leave that house now, I don't want your scent strong there, our enemies can't know about you."

"Enemies?" I could hear the panic in my own voice.

"Go now Bella. Stay moving. I'll call you when I can."

I closed my phone and slipped it away before taking off into the Alaskan wild, I ran south, avoiding Washington, I went all the way back to South America but I kept moving, sometimes walking, sometimes running, stopping in a town or a city for a day or two but no longer, if I caught even an old scent I avoided it and just kept moving zigzagging across the continent.

It was over a week before Garrett called, "You ok Little One?"

"I'm fine Garrett, what's going on?"

"War Bella. We're on the brink of war."

"With who?"

"Remember I told you about the Volturi?"

"The Kings and our laws, of course." I hesitated explaining about Santiago, waiting for him to finish, what he had to say was more important than my making friends.

"Before them were the Romanians, vampires were known then. They've joined with the last Egyptians and a sadistic bitch named Maria from the Southern Wars and several others, very powerful others, including some of the Volturi guards best. Things will be bad if they win Bella. I've got to go, we've another meeting, we have to try to stop this Bella. Promise me you'll stay safe, keep moving, avoid others."

"Garrett?"

"Please Bella, I have to go, if this war starts it will be tragic, god help us all if the other side won."

"I can help." I offered.

"No little one. Stay away from our kind, promise me."

"Garrett?" I wanted to argue with him, why couldn't I help? I was a shield, I'd be useful, I could help him.

"I made a promise when I changed you Bella, to some friends and to myself, actually I made a promise to myself long before I'd met you to repay a favor, to repay a life debt and keeping you safe is doing that."

"I could help." I argue weakly.

"Please Bella, don't make me break my word to them or to myself. Stay away and stay safe. Please." He hung up and I moved again.

I went back towards the US and kept moving, waiting to hear from Garrett but it wasn't him who called me almost a month later.

"Santiago?"

"We need you Bella. Your shield."

"The war?"

"The battle is going to be big and it's coming fast."

"In Italy?"

"No, it's here, in the far north of the continent. Get here as fast as you can, I'm not sure if you will make it but we need everyone on our side we can get Bella. It's going to be bad honey, hell it is bad, really bad. I want you safe, you and Lila but if they win, no one will be safe. It won't be chaos, it will be the end, they destroy everything, tear apart the world and bath it in blood."

My still heart clenched in my chest and I nodded, though he couldn't see. I began to run north, it took two days and when I arrived there were two armies facing off in a remote valley between mountains, far from human civilization.

"Bella." I heard my name from Garrett as I stepped through the trees and I knew he didn't want me there. Garrett had always tried to protect me, he was my maker and I was his baby sister. I knew Emmett felt the same as I saw him watch me with sad eyes. Alice standing in the middle of the field turned to look at me and smiled weakly, giving a small nod.

I moved around to the side of my family and friends, hurrying towards them. I sped over to Garrett and gave him a smile though fear filled me.

When the first blows rang out, my shield was already covering us both. He stilled for an instant watching me fight, I'd surprised him, I sent him a quick wink as Kate buzzed the vamp about to tackle him.

"I made some friends over the years." I tell him before hissing as teeth sink into my arm. The vampire is ripped from me by a cloaked figure, I nod in thanks and focus on the fight.

I'm not sure why I looked up at the cry, a voice ringing out in agony that I recognized but didn't know. My world became a pinprick as every sense I had focused on the blond vampire being tortured.

"No!" The word is torn from my throat and I'm running for him. I can feel my friends through my gift and I wrap as many of them as I can in my shield feeling it pour out of me and wind tightly over each of them, Garrett I'd been shielding from the start but now Kate and her coven, Peter, Charlotte, the Cullen's, Alice, Santiago and Lila, a handful of nomads I met over the years and then I spread it to the others around me, to the vampires in their cloaks and the three kings, to all the ones I had recognized and some I didn't, knowing they fought with us because they had fallen to the ground attacked by the mist flowing from one boys hands. Even as I did this, feeling my gift stretch and wrap tightly around each of them, I focused on him, the blond with so many scars, I knew him but I didn't.

I had started to run for him but as my gift spread out around me I had slowed until I stood, staring intently at him while my gift pulsed around him. He stood tall from where he'd been on his knees screaming in pain and faced against the little girl who'd been glaring at him, his expression blank and calm, deadly. She looked afraid now, and as the vampires wrapped in my gift rose from the mist the boy did too. Another woman, a dark-haired beauty screamed in rage and attacked the blonde but he did something to her with only a glance with his cold uncaring look and she dropped screaming. Those around him trembled in fear, trying to run or fighting like wild animals backed into a corner. He was magic to watch and I couldn't take my eyes from him as he tore them apart and tossed them into a blazing fire.

It was the rising purple smoke that took my eyes from him at last as I watched it pollute the air with our enemies ashes in their final death. I had stopped running when he stood, pushing my gift around our allies and watching him, I didn't notice as I dropped to my knees watching the purple smoke swirl up in a noxious cloud. I didn't notice the battle ending, or our victory, only that purple smoke and the pulsing of my gift as it stretched out of me.

I wasn't sure how long it was I kneeled there when I felt myself being lifted, "Let go Bell." Santiago was whispering into my ear.

"Let her go!" I heard Garrett growl.

"Stop!" I heard Alice shout.

The blonde was moving to me, he took me from Santiago's arms, "Bella?" His voice was so gentle, so broken my heart ached.

"Let it go Bell." Santiago repeated. "You have to let us all go."

I shook my head, wrapping my shield tighter around the people I loved, I was so alone, always so alone, how could I let anything happen to my friends?

I felt blackness pulling at my vision and as the blonde whispered "Bella, please." My eyes closed and swirls of memories rose, the fog cleared enough for me to see my mother, her laugh was what I remembered clearest. Timmo, who stole my ring for me, who died and left me alone, he had been all I had and I hadn't been able to protect him. I hadn't been there but I was here this time and I could protect my friends, I wouldn't be alone again. Memories of his grave became of Forks and Charlie, then the Cullen's, Edward, Alice, Carlisle and Esme then Emmett and Rosalie, my 'death' and Garrett.

It was all because of him, Jasper. The blonde. Jasper, who thought I was worth it but didn't want me as his mate. The reason I was alone, always alone, an eternity as this, because I wasn't worth his love.

"Bella." I felt a small hand touch me and Jasper's growl rumble in his chest. "Bella, we're all safe now, Jasper is safe, whatever you're doing, please, you have to stop."

I felt my shield pulse and flicker but I couldn't pull it back, I'd never stretched it so far.

"Breathe in Jasper Bella." Carlisle's voice came through the haze and it brought more memories of him, of all of them.

"Are you fuckers telling me, this pretty little thing is the Major's fuckin mate?" I heard someone shout. Jasper was the Major? That made sense. I remembered everything Rosalie had told me about him, about his past. He'd been alone for a long time too. He needed his family. I'd heard about him over the years, more stories than Rosalie knew, dark stories but ones also of hope. The Major had been a demon to his enemies, a dark force even among his troops, at least among the pawns but they didn't survive to tell about that any more than his enemies did. No the stories came from others, those he'd led and fought with. He was a warrior, a leader and a very scarred and broken soul who fought his way out of hell. He needed his family, to be loved, he needed Alice, who wouldn't let him be alone. I felt my gift pulse around them. He didn't want me but he had them, he didn't have to be alone, I could protect them, I could give him this.

"Bell, no. Stop. Please." Garrett recognized the feeling and his voice had become pleading.

"Bella. Please." Jasper's voice was broken and I wanted to tell him I was sorry, I couldn't, I didn't know how to undo it, I didn't know how to pull back but he wouldn't be alone, Alice wouldn't let him be, I had to trust that, to trust that Rosalie who treasured humanity and had led me to my death for him would take care of him now, I just had to protect them for him. I could do that, I knew how to do that. I didn't know how to protect him, to love him any other way.

I felt someone else take my hand, "Bella, it's Alice." I felt Jasper growling again. "I know Jasper, ok, but I didn't do this, if you'd just accepted her in the first place…"

"She deserved better." He hissed.

"There is no better than a mate." Alice yelled at him. "You don't think it was hard for me! I had to let you go and I loved you, I wanted you to be my mate but I'm not, she is and I wanted both of you to have everything you deserve!" She was dry sobbing, "I tried Jazz, I'm sorry I messed up but I just wanted to make it better."

"Can you make it better now?" Garrett demanded.

"I don't know." She seemed to sob as her hand returned to me, "I can't see her. I can't see any of you now. Can you feel her Jasper?"

"Some." He admitted.

"This is my fault." Rosalie sobbed.

"No, it was mine." Santiago sighed, "I called her."

"What?" Several voices hissed. "I trained her to fight, to use her shield in battle, we needed all the help we could get, but this is beyond anything I saw her do, anything I thought she could do."

"Clearly it is beyond what she could do." A voice I didn't recognized responded.

"Bella." Alice tried again and this time Jasper didn't growl at her. "Carlisle is right, this started when Jasper was being tortured but he's not, he's holding you, breath in his scent, listen to his voice, he's ok, we're all ok. You don't need to protect us anymore. Everyone is safe, it's over and we're all ok now."

"Now would be a good time to talk to her." Someone huffed, probably at Jasper.


	10. 2014

2014 JPOV

I dropped to my knees with the pain filling me as I screamed, refusing to curl into a ball on the ground as my body wanted to. Then the pain got less, and less, pulsing out of me until there was nothing. I rose up and smirked at her. Fear bled out of every pore as she looked at me but the angry cry of Maria distracted me from ripping her head off. Maria was a good fighter, I was better, faster, Peter and Char were taking out Alec and I ran after Jane but Emmett had her head while Rosalie and Alice pulled her arms. I turned back to the battle projecting levels of fear that would make hearts explode from beating to fast, I could literally scare something to death and I made use of every once of my gift as I pumped it out to our enemies my demon was free and carnage was his art. Our side had somehow managed to gain the upper hand. Something had made Jane and Alec useless and our side was winning, annihilating those who stood against us. Some were even chasing the others away, all gifts from the other side seemed useless as I spread fear and Kate continued to shock the hell out of her opponents. It was over in minutes. I went to look for Peter and Charlotte when I heard a low growl and saw Garrett squaring off against one of the Volturi, his black cloak hiding his identity from me, it didn't matter, I didn't care who he was, my attention was on a very pale, chestnut haired girl motionless in his arms. My chest felt like a hole had been punched through it, I knew that motionless girl, her scent was soft and enticing, bewitching and tantalizing though faint under the strong scent of fire and burning venom.

Alice's shout of stop to the two men had my feet moving as I went to my mate and took her from Santiago. She seemed so fragile in my arms as I pieced it together, somehow Bella had protected us all, she had turned the tide of the war but whatever she had done, she was locked inside herself now.

Peter huffed at me to talk to her but what did I say, "I left you." I told her sadly. "It hurt every day but you deserved so much more than this existence, so much more than me. I'm sorry if you've been alone, I'm sorry for so many things Bella. I never deserved you and walking away from you? That was the worst thing I've done in my existence. You saved us today Bella. That pure heart, its always been to big, to open and loving. I've heard rumors about you from the Cullen's, other coven's and other nomads, a beautiful nomad, friendly and kind and good. I think part of me always knew it was you they talked about. Even as this you are still so pure, so good and I don't deserve you. I used to bask in your emotions when you were a human, Edward questioned if I were really your mate, that's why that happened on your birthday, they wanted to see if I'd attack you. Idiots. I'd been around your blood when I killed James. I was hungry then too. I just could never hurt you Bella. He thought I wasn't protective of you, that I didn't feel the pull to be near you. I might not have understood it but my emotions were always wrapped around you. I think you knew. You'd send me curiosity, affection, mischievousness, gratefulness, peace, you sent me so much peace; it was like you were trying to talk to me in our own little language, our own little world." I sent her a dose of what I was feeling. "I didn't even notice how much I was projecting to you back as I basked in your emotions and how good and pure they were, that peace, I think that was both of us, our emotions together, perfectly blended, you brought peace to me and I should have always been there to protect you, instead you've protected me, all of us and I still don't deserve you but I need you Bella, I need that peace back, let me in, let me feel you again." I wasn't sure if she could feel the emotions I poured into her, using all the strength of my gift, I began to pull in the emotions of the others, the sorrow and love, I poured everything into her. "Please come back to me." I begged her.

I heard movement and Edward came towards us, "I have an idea." He whispered to me. I couldn't help the low growl in my chest as he touched her arm, "Bella, it's Edward. I can't read any of the people here under your shield and Kate can't shock us but we could with the enemy. I've never been able to read you but if you can keep us out maybe you can let us in. Let me in Bella, let me read your mind and help you." His frown grew and he sighed as he shook his head at me, "nothing."

"It's a good theory." Eleazar came in, "You try Jasper."

"I've been sending her all I've got."

"Think about Jasper Bella, try to remember him and send him what you feel." Charlotte urged her gently.

"Right, except she don't remember nothing but fog before the burning!" Garrett shouted. "She recognized him on an instinct level not an emotional one."

"Tell me about her?" I asked them. Rosalie and Emmett started, telling what I had been to angry with the world to listen to before and then Garrett, then Kate and Eleazar with a few words from Carmen and even Tanya and Irina. Then some nomads I didn't know and one I'd fought in the south with, then Alice and the Cullen's, a few more nomads and Santiago and his little mate Lila. She'd been so alone for such a long time, searching for a place to belong, a family. Always so alone, even in life. I wouldn't let her be alone again. I'd stand beside her always. "Please wake up Bella." I begged her quietly.

"Has anyone tried kissing her? It works in the books?" Emmett suggested.

"Shut up Emmett." Rosalie smacked him.

"Actually…" Elezear frowned, "Garrett is right, she recognized him on instinct and that would be instinct."

"Go on Major, kiss the girl." Peter urged. My little mate had touched many lives in her short life. Too many, she'd tried to protect them all.

I leaned over her and whispered in her ear, "I'll never deserve you Bella but I will always be yours." I leaned closer and kissed her, pouring every ounce of emotion I felt and from all those around me into her.

When I pulled back she was still motionless in my arms.

"Our fear." Rosalie whispered, "we're afraid for her Jasper, what if she can feel it?"

"Her gift wont let go of us if it's connected by our fear." Lila agreed.

"I'm fillin her with as much love as I can." I growl at them.

"Your fear and ours to though Jazz." Alice whispered.

"What do we do?" Even Esme is whispering now.

"We leave." Garrett answers firmly. "We all leave."

I watched them leave and bent to her again, "Please stay with me." I whisper to her. I'm dry sobbing over her as I beg her not to go, to come back, "I don't deserve you darlin, I never did I know but please come back, don't leave me. I promise I'll do anything to make you happy, to make being this forever, being tied to me forever worth something." I bury my head in her hair as I beg, "I don't want to be alone anymore."

I feel her hand on my cheek. "We're not alone anymore Jasper."

"No." I agreed bending to kiss her again, this time she was kissing me back.

I pulled back to look at her red eyes, and to kiss her eyelids, "I'm sorry." I told her, filling her with all my regrets. "I'm sorry you were alone, that I left you, I'm sorry they did this to you, you deserve so much more. You deserved to live, to have a man worthy of your pure heart."

"You are." She whispered back softly.

"No." I shook my head, "I'm something you can't imagine."

"I know all about you Major, I've heard bits and pieces over the years and I remember what Rosalie told me, I remember that now, her giving me the choice. I chose you Jasper, my mate, I chose this life, even if it meant waiting forever for you, searching and lost and not knowing what it was I was looking for."

I shake my head again, burying my nose against her neck, "I'll never be worth your life and everything you had to give up, for all these years you've been waiting and I've been stupid and stubborn and hiding but I'll try, I promise I'll try to be worthy of your love."

"You are." She protested tilting her head to kiss my temple. "If it takes forever, I'll make you see, you were always worth it all."

Alice must have seen her wake up or they felt the absence of her shield because less than an hour later they all returned. Bella was still weak, recovering but even the Volturi Kings looked relieved she was ok. It would take time for her to recover but I'd take care of her, I'd be with her and I would spend everyday trying to be worthy of her.

I felt her fingers graze my cheek again and looked into her eyes, "You're worth it Jazz." She whispered as though she could read my mind. I just leaned down to kiss her again, maybe in her mind I was but I'd never be in my mind, she was to good, to pure, to perfect but I'd make damn sure I tried and no one would hurt her again, she'd never be alone again. We'd neither of us be alone again.


End file.
